The Cab Ride
by Daphne2
Summary: Parenthood C+M style. The ups and downs. A new chapter.
1. Birth

Dawn in New York ****

The Cab Ride

By Daphne

__

No censor, no mistake. If you're nice, normal service will resume in "It Started with a Photo" very soon. But then if you're "nice" you won't want to read that sort of filth.

I don't own them or make any money out of them. Thanks to JJaks for comments.

It was the morning rush hour in New York City. The sirens wailed and the traffic snailed along the streets. Normally not a problem. On some days it gave Chandler a good excuse to be late into work. But today Chandler and Monica needed it to move quicker. 

"Oh Jesus. Please can you just get through this?" Chandler pleaded to the cab driver.

The cab driver looked vaguely at Chandler. "Si?"

"Get through traffic, drive through traffic, move through traffic. Ah crap you don't understand a word do ya?"

"Si?"

Chandler sighed. He had to keep cool and calm for Monica. He stared out at the streets, the storeowners opening up, the office workers muffled against the cold scurrying to work and the traffic, the bloody traffic. Everything normal, to everyone just another day. To Chandler and Monica it was THE day. D-day. The day that they would become parents. The woman beside him gasped and clutched again at her abdomen. Chandler winced, guilty that he was the cause of it but felt no pain. He held out his hand for her to hold and tried to reassure her with a look. The familiar blue eyes staring back at him looked scared. Not his "in control Monica" but a Monica who was in pain and scared. 

"We'll be there soon honey I promise. If I have to carry you myself we'll be there soon."

She tried to smile, "You'd have more chance carrying Treeger. Ooohhh!!" She clutched herself and beads of sweat started to form on her upper lip and along her temple. 

"Just think Mon we'll have a baby soon and this will just be one of those warm memories. You know - do you remember when we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital and you had to carry me four blocks and only dropped me twice?"

Monica smiled more genuinely and held onto her husband's hand. "I know. It's OK Chandler. I knew I'd have to go through this. It's just a day. Tomorrow we will be..." She doubled again.

"Kings of the Wild Frontier? The replacement for the Avengers? The new A Team?" 

Monica panted. "I'm not gonna have to listen to your jokes all day am I?"

"Ahhh you know me, only when I'm nervous or excited."

"So I am going to have to listen to your jokes all day."

"Fraid so." He leaned over and kissed her on the lips, feeling the damp sweat of her mouth and wondering at the miracle her body was about to be part of. Why not men? Why were men so excluded from this? He touched her bump and felt a new contraction spread over it. He glanced into her face and saw the mirroring pain. He went to remove his hand but she held it there as the contraction built and died.

"You felt it that time?" She asked him.

He nodded. "It's incredible, your whole body seems to be pulling in on itself."

The cab lurched as the driver suddenly found a gap in the traffic and accelerated into it. Chandler instinctively put his hand out to steady Monica and stayed with his arm protectively holding her.

"Did you speak to Ross?" She asked him.

"Yeah. I think I woke him. He said he would tell the others and get there as soon as they could. But ya know it would be quite nice if it was just us. We managed the conception without all the rest being there."

She smiled. "Only just. If you had had your way you would have disappeared rather than marry me. Ross, Phoebe and Rachel got you back for me."

"In that case they are partly to blame for all the pain you are in now. "

Monica looked across at her husband. He was looking out of the window at the busy street. "Does this make you feel guilty Chandler?"

He looked back at her and was unable to hide the expression that affirmed her suspicion. "No man wants to see the woman he loves in pain and be able to do nothing to stop it or help the woman." He told her quietly. "I wish peeing on you would get rid of the pain this time."

The cab driver looked bemused into his mirror at them. "Yeah you understood that." Chandler muttered under his breath.

"And you feel it's your fault?" Monica asked but the contraction ripped through her as she finished the statement.

He watched her grimace and clutch at herself. Her hands pulled into tight fists and the knuckles went white. The contraction released her and she panted away from the pain. He glanced at his watch. It was much longer than the previous ones, she was getting closer, even if the cab wasn't.

"It is my fault." He said. " I want to share this with you like we shared the conception and we will share the child. Why do I get all this and none of the pain, none of the suffering?"

"You gotta stop feeling like that. A book I read said that some men feel so guilty when they see their wives give birth that they lose the ability to have sex with her again afterwards. They blame their penis for the pain and are effectively impotent with their wives. If you're going to be like that it would be better if Rachel or Phoebe comes into the delivery room with me."

Chandler shook his head. "No I have to be there with you."

Monica held tighter to his hand. "Would it make you feel less guilty if I gave you one of my best bad massages when we get back home?"

"Now you're exaggerating. I don't believe it can be that painful!"

"Look I'll understand if you can't be there. Believe me I'll want sex again and if this is going to put you off…"

They were stopped again and a woman walked passed the cap dragging a screaming toddler. "It won't put me off, that will put me off." He said pointing to the woman outside.

Monica smiled. "I can't believe that will be me soon. Do you think he will look like you?"

"Probably my Dad knowing my luck. If he starts to borrow your makeup you will let me know?"

Monica nodded and there was another pause as her body went to work.

"Are we settled on Bob?" He asked as she finished.

"Bob? I like Bob but I can't ever remember mentioning Bob. Oh." She smiled as the penny dropped. "Bob Bing, bobbing, very funny. I thought we had exhausted the topic of which perfectly decent names were completely out because of your daft name."

"I just wanted to see you smile. I can't believe you can still smile."

"I'm about to become a mother. Of course I can still smile." She looked into his face, he was desperately trying to hide his nervousness. She smiled again. "I still think Bert was the best."

He smiled back, "Burping., Bert Bing. I'm still happy with Zac if you are?"

"Zac Bing. It sounds a bit like the name of a Hollywood producer. You know - "A Zac Bing movie."

Monica swore and clutched again at herself. Chandler held her, the contractions were coming on top of one another now and the panic stirred in the pit of his stomach. But the cab driver must have taken an unfamiliar back street as quite suddenly they were pulling into the hospital. He couldn't remember being so pleased about arriving anywhere before. Without quite realizing what he was doing he kissed the nurse that greeted them and for good measure kissed the outraged cab driver.

The doctor was called because it was clear that Monica was well advanced. She was English, as wide as she was tall, and pure cockney. It seemed to Chandler that another language barrier was the last thing they needed right now but the woman had an affectionate efficient manner that soon put him at ease. Monica relinquished responsibility and gave herself over to the medics. She obeyed the cockney voice that came at her without any thought. The pain was so great that she was almost completely unaware of everything else around her.

"OK. Walk slowly," The voice told her. "There's no rush, support her arm. That's right. How long have you been having contractions love?"

"About 5 hours." Chandler answered her.

"Frequency?"

"Every night, sometimes twice a night."

"The contractions!" 

"Oh, every 3 minutes".

"Length?"

"About a minute if you're talking about the contractions still, if not 8 inches." Chandler smiled through his nerves.

"Yeah and I'm a size 8. Have the waters gone?"

"No."

"Wow he has been paying attention and he got you here just in time didn't he? OK sit her down, breathe through it sweetheart that's it. Your husband's been good has he? Apart from the terrible sense of humor. He's quite cute, with those blue eyes. I'd let him knock me up too.".

Monica was vaguely aware of Chandler looking horrified. "That's scared him. Stopped him worrying about you for the moment. Just look at him all terrified? That's it breathe, just being a woman, that's all this is, perfectly natural, been doing it for millions of years. Baby blue eyes is going to be here soon OK now? Right lets get you into the delivery suite. Do you know what you're having?"

"A boy." Chandler answered and Monica felt a pop and flooding.

"Oh dear Lordy, there they go. The cab driver was lucky they lasted this long. Don't worry, we'll get a cleaner. We get more flooding in this reception that they get in the bathroom of most nursery schools. Let's get you into a chair."

Lights and corridors, Chandler and the voice running along beside her as a nurse pushed her towards the delivery suite, no release from the pain now, one contraction coming crashing down after another. Double doors, a room, a vague sense of urgency, she was being helped onto a delivery table and Chandler removing her panties.

"Not now sweetheart. I'm kinda busy." She managed to gasp and Chandler marveled at her bravery. If it was him he would be crying on the floor, not making jokes.

The voice cut through the pain again. "OK relax, we just need to check how dilated you are. You happy him being here? I assume he saw it all when he got you into this state?"

"I want him to stay if he wants to stay." Monica's words didn't seem like her own. She desperately wanted him to be there.

"OK, " the voice said, "Hold her hand, you can stay clear of the gruesome end until baby is ready to say hi to Dad." 

Time drifted, it had no real meaning anymore to Monica, all her energy was caught up in not succumbing to the pain. Suddenly she felt a strong desire to use the bathroom.

The voice told her the words she needed to hear. "Jesus you are close. You're ready to start pushing. Have you felt the urge to push yet?"

Monica groaned, "Christ yes. Yes."

"Go with it then. That's it push down, not very different from opening your bowels. OK relax. Do you want some gas to help you relax?"

Monica glanced up into Chandler's worried face and noticed him nod.

"For your wife!" The voice said..

Monica mirrored the nod. "Please."

Before the mask was ready her whole body pushed downwards again and she heard a scream and realized it was her. She gasped again. " I can't take the pain any more." She was starting to panic but the voice was soothing.

"I know love, I know, nearly over." The voice stroked her brow and then Chandler took over. " Here hold the mask for her and let her take a few breaths, it'll make her nice and high."

Less than a minute later Monica pushed it away and pulled herself up so that she was half sitting. Chandler held her as she put her head down onto her chest. Primitive instincts were taking over, she went with it. The voice seemed happy with that. "OK you want to push again? Hold her up - right push down. You don't have to be quiet love, if you need to make some noise you do it. You don't have to be a lady here."

Monica grunted as her body pushed down. Chandler felt himself straining and pushing down with her in sympathy, God knows what he would produce. 

"He's crowned. We've got a head already. You have a very efficient wife Mr Bing, a head already. You want to see? He's dark, a tuft of dark hair. OK one more push, that's it, now pant sweetheart, the head's fully out, we have a head. Wait til you get the urge and we can finish this. No tearing and the worst bit's done."

Chandler nervously moved down the delivery table and glanced down between Monica's legs and nearly fainted. His son was visible, the head was straining out of Monica's vagina. Chandler's hands flew up to his face and he felt his eyes well up. As he watched, Monica groaned again and her body started to push the rest of him out. As soon as the child's shoulders emerged the doctor helped to twist him round and then the little boy gasped as the cold air hit and he screamed in protest.

Monica's face lit up and rested on Chandler, who now had tears streaming down his face unchecked.

"OK relax," the voice said, "We'll just check everything's OK, airways are clear and then you can hold him. You should feel another contraction soon. That'll be the afterbirth OK?" 

"He's OK?" Monica asked concerned.

"He looks fine, just fine."

Within minutes the doctor carefully handed the baby to Monica, and Chandler put his arm around her shoulders as they both examined the tiny face, the mouth still crying in protest at the uncomfortable, noisy cold world that he had suddenly been thrust into.

The doctor smiled. "He's a noisy one isn't he? Nothing wrong with his lungs? You may want to try him at the breast. He won't be hungry but it might soothe him."

Monica shifted him down and the little mouth started to search and latch onto anything and everything that came near it. 

"Like father like son." Monica said as he latched on and started sucking frantically. Chandler was still speechless. Tears dripping from his face.

"You're making him all wet Chandler." Monica told him.

"Sorry." He managed to say at last and wiped his face across his sleeve.

"Did your mother never tell you not to do that?"

"Sorry." He said again.

Monica smiled up at him and put her hand to his face. "You don't have to be sorry. You just gave me a perfect little boy. You never have to be sorry again."

Chandler tried to compose himself. "You should be careful what you say. I might just hold you to that."

"He's worth the terrible cab ride here isn't he?

Chandler nodded. 

She glanced up at him, he was still struggling to get control of himself.

"All these years trying to get you to stop talking and joking and all I had to do was give birth to our son." She said. "If I'd known it was that easy…You should go and tell the others, they will be here."

He nodded again and went to move out of the door. He turned back to plant a kiss on her and then, very gently, on his son's head. 

" I love you Monica."

"Yeah, you're OK too." She said smiling up at him.

She watched him go. "That's your Daddy." She said to the little boy at her breast. She examined his tiny face, he definitely looked like Chandler. She grinned, a little Chandler, it was difficult to stop grinning, and then quite suddenly she burst into tears. She had her family.


	2. Alone the Dark

****

The Cab Ride 2

Alone in the Dark

By Daphne

****

Seeing as we won't see it and we all want to see it (C+M as parents - not the sex!) I thought I would do a quick canter through parent hood Chandler and Monica style, beginning more or less where I left off on The Cab Ride.

****

Daniel = Newborn 2003

"Mon?" Ross said putting his arms around his sobbing sister. He smiled guardedly. "Is this just post-natal or is something wrong?"

Monica shook her head without taking her eyes off her baby. "I'm so happy."

Joey, Phoebe, Rachel and Ross all grinned in relief and took seats around her hospital bed. "Yeah you look happy!" Phoebe said smiling sarcastically.

Monica sniffed again and held her baby out to Rachel proudly. "He looks just like Chandler. I have a little Chandler."

"Yeah?" Rachel put her arms out and jumped when she saw the little boy, it was almost spooky. "Wow he does!" 

She passed the baby to Phoebe who examined the tiny features, "He's a lot smaller than Chandler and he doesn't have as much hair." She said seriously.

Ross looked over at his first nephew, "Still he might grow out of it. No need to cry." 

Monica watched as her four friends examined him. She started to sob again. "He has quite a lot of hair, compared to the other babies and he has tiny…" She sniffed. "Tiny…" she sniffed again.

Joey glanced at him frowning. "Poor little guy. He'll just have to change facing the wall."

Monica shook her head vigorously defending her son. "No feet - look at his feet!"

Ross pulled the blanket to one side. "They're even smaller than Joey's!"

Chandler came in with some flowers and a soda for Monica. He fussed around her and the others looked on with affection. She had waited so long for this day. Ross swallowed a lump in his throat. His baby sister had a baby, how weird was that? Monica finally had all she wanted. No wonder she sobbed. Joey was the first to join her, Rachel and Phoebe soon followed and Chandler had not really stopped from the moment of birth. Ross grinned, proud that he had more control, and then he took one more look at Monica and joined the others.

Monica looked in surprise at them all and laughed through her tears. "What a load of wooses!" 

"What does he do exactly?" Joey asked eventually, looking down at the miracle that had reduced them all to sobbing wrecks.

Chandler's face took on a more normal expression as he looked at Joey in disbelief. "He's pretty good at trigonometry but hasn't quite mastered nuclear physics yet."

Monica waited anxiously for her baby to be returned. "He just sleeps and feeds Joey. He has taken really well to feeding. Some of the mothers can't get their babies to latch on at all but this little guy suckles really well." 

Joey sighed. "What a life. You're a lucky boy Zac."

Chandler shook his head. "We changed our minds. Monica decided that he doesn't look like a Zac."

Phoebe raised her eyebrows, and looked down at the miniature version of her friend. "So are you calling him Chandler? He certainly looks like a Chandler… or Gene, he could be a Gene."

"Just one?" Ross commented.

"I like Steven." Monica said glancing at Chandler.

Joey looked outraged. "You can't call him Steve Bing. He'll never score with women!"

Chandler smiled. "Looks like we're back to Daniel."

Monica looked surprised. "We are? I thought you didn't like Daniel much?"

Chandler shrugged. "If it makes you happy, I'll be happy. You did most of the hard work."

"Most?" 

Chandler smiled and she reached up for him and they kissed. The rest grinned, until the kiss went on a bit. Phoebe was the first to complain, "Alright put her down already! Here take this." Phoebe handed Daniel carefully back to Monica who settled him in her arms and examined his tiny features again. "Oooh I think he wet his diaper." She said excitedly and started to undress him in front of her on the bed.

Rachel groaned. "Yeah Mon - try being that excited about it at two in the morning when you've already changed like a hundred of them!"

Joey couldn't help glancing over as Monica turned to get a clean diaper. "Ahhh he's so cute, everything in miniature. Look at his little thing…" Joey jumped back suddenly in horror as Daniel's little thing felt the cold air and peed right at his Uncle Joey, to his horrified disgust.

Ross glanced at Chandler who still looked a little shakey. "You OK Chandler?"

"Yeah… my son just peed all over Joey. I never felt better."

****

Daniel = 6 weeks

The noise in the apartment was now a familiar one. It didn't make it any easier when it started up at two in the morning. Monica shifted, willing it to stop, but knowing it wouldn't and then felt Chandler leave the bed.

He leaned over her and kissed her cheek lightly. "It's OK, I'll get him - you sleep."

"Can you grow breasts and feed him too?" Monica muttered to herself. Why did God not give men the right equipment to help care for babies?

"I'll try Mon - I'll try." 

Chandler reached the crib and lifted his son. It took a while for the yelling to stop and Daniel let out a few desolate sobs to end it before he felt comforted in the familiar arms of his Daddy. His bottom was wet so Chandler laid him gently down and pulled the buttons open to reveal the little pink legs and diaper.

"Daddy make it all better." Chandler whispered and peeled back the tabs on the diaper gingerly and was relieved that it was only a wet one. "No doody for Daddy - there's a good boy - you keep those for Mommy."

Daniel lay calmly as his Daddy attended to his uncomfortable rear end and within minutes things were all fastened back together and were warm and cosy again. He felt himself lifted up and snuggled against familiar smelling bare flesh. The smell reminded him why he had started to cry and he frantically latched onto the flesh and sucked hard waiting for the warm fulfilling comfort of milk. But nothing came.

Chandler pulled the baby off him. "You really need to learn what a boob looks like little guy. That's my shoulder you're giving a hickey to. Mon! He's all clean and ready for… Mon.. you asleep?" 

Chandler lay down carefully with the baby on the bed. He undid the buttons on Monica's night dress and revealed her swollen breasts. He quickly looked away to stop the memories surfacing. The baby kicked impatiently and started to search again for something to suck so Chandler attempted to plug him in at the angle of an airplane coming into land. 

Surprisingly this didn't work, and after a struggle, with the baby repeatedly latching onto the wrong bit of flesh, Monica woke and instinctively held the child to her. "He's a baby Chandler - not a satellite linking up with a feeding station." She said through sleepy eyes. "But thanks." She shifted and gasped as the baby started to feed. "He was hungry." Monica shifted to get a better position then winced as the baby sucked too hard. She sat up a bit more and gathered the baby into her arms. 

Chandler looked concerned, "Are they still sore?"

Monica nodded, with a strained look on her face.

"Sorry - on behalf of my son." He watched her for a while. "When you've finished feeding him do you want me to put your nipple cream on?"

Monica smiled. "I'll manage."

"It's OK, I don't mind… if it helps."

Chandler eased himself into bed and continued to watch his son feed. The little jaw working hard, the little legs kicking in unison but without any purpose. It still surprised him how much noise babies made when they fed, he thought it would be quiet. Instead Daniel was a real slurper. As the feed went on the noise of the baby sucking gradually eased to a gently chomping as Daniel's belly filled. Chandler went back to sleep.

He woke again to Monica's voice. "Problem sweetie?" He said looking at her frustrated expression.

"We went to sleep and now Daniel doesn't want to wake up and he hasn't taken any from the other side." Daniel opened one sleepy eye at the sound of his mother's voice. He looked at her dispassionately and closed it again. Monica raised her voice. "No you don't mister, you're not leaving me with one full boob and one empty one. You wake up and finish your dinner or you're grounded!"

"I know Mon - jump up and down a few times and jiggle about."

Monica looked in bewilderment at Chandler. "Me? You want me to jiggle about? Why exactly?"

"Well maybe Dan would find the feed more appealing if you made it into milk shake. You know with a frothy top."

Monica looked at Chandler in disbelief. "Right. And I could put a strawberry and some cream on top of each nipple."

Chandler smiled. "Sounds good. It would certainly entice me."

"Nipple cream entices you."

Monica shifted Dan slightly and belched loudly. "Well that told you." Chandler said smiling. "I think he's done Mon. Want me to put him back in his crib?"

"If you don't mind sleeping with a lop sided wife."

Chandler returned to the bed and cuddled up next to Monica, her chest was wet on oneside. "You're leaking. "

Monica giggled sleepily, "It used to me complaining that you were doing that." She shifted slightly and met her husband's body. "Oh my God you're horny!"

"No - you sleep I'm OK." He said guiltily.

"I can feel it against my leg."

"Well it's been a while. But Daniel has first call on you - you sleep."

"I still want to hold you too."

"Yeah but you don't want that…"

"I like the fact that you still find me attractive."

"Really - you had doubts?"

"You kiddin? The boobs, the flabby tummy. I feel a mess."

"You look amazing."

"Yeah? When did you get to be so sweet?"

They kissed and Chandler glanced down. "You sure about this?" Monica nodded. "OK. Can we move the baby to the other room then?"

Chandler climbed out of bed again and carefully carried the bassinet to the nursery. Despite his tiredness he was grinning broadly as he returned. But Monica was asleep. Chandler settled back down next to her, glanced wistfully over and cursed himself for his optimism.

Chandler was quickly asleep, until a yell from the nursery woke them both again.

Monica put a hand over her eyes. "God I'm so tired - a full hours sleep would be nice. What do you think he needs now?"

Chandler put an arm over her as she went to get out of bed. "You were up all last night. I'll get him again."

"He can't be hungry and you have work tomorrow Chandler. Leave him for a while… see if he settles."

But neither of them could relax with the noise of the baby crying so Chandler left the bed again. Monica drifted back to sleep. 

When she woke it was dawn. She winced as she turned over; her breasts were painfully full. Daniel would be fed whether he wanted it or not. But the apartment was quiet. She pulled on her robe and went to the living room. Chandler was asleep, lying on his back on the couch, hugging Daniel who lay face down on his father's bare chest. His face was scrunched up and his hair was ruffled. The baby looked even cuter. Daniel's legs didn't even reach Chandler's waist. One small fist was clenched next to his mouth and was wet where he was sucking it. Monica stared and smiled. It was a sight she wanted to imprint on her brain. 

****

Daniel = Five years old (he has twin 4 year old sisters, Sara and Isabella, and a two year old brother, Oscar).

Chandler bounced down the stairs and into the kitchen where his family all sat eating and chatting. He kissed Monica and took his place. Six people at breakfast, like there always had been, only now they were his family. Strange to think how scared he used to be of this. 

"Daddy." Sara called out to him as soon as he sat down.

"Yes Sara."

"Why does Grandad Bing look like a lady?"

Isabella looked at her father. "We showed Mrs Phillips the picture of Grandad Bing and she said that he must be Grandma." 

Chandler poured himself some juice. "Well you wear pants right? So if you wear boys' clothes why can't a guy where women's clothes? There's no law that says a guy has to wear guys' clothes."

Monica caught Chandler's eyes, they knew the question would come one day and had pre-prepared the answer.

Oscar kicked impatiently in his chair, "Mommy, food Mommy." 

Isabella frowned, "So why don't you put Ossie in our old dresses?"

Monica put some more toast on Oscar's plate. "Because you two messy girls wore them all out."

Oscar frowned at one piece of toast that looked blacker than the rest and tossed it behind him, where the dog was waiting. The dog yelped. Oscar had inadvertently tossed his spoon at the same time and it caught the dog on the nose, but he was used to it. Staking out where the food fell from the sky had its risks, a dog had to take those risks.

Monica smiled at Oscar, "Wow you finished that already - you are hungry boy this morning. Do you want some more?"

"More Mommy more!" Oscar said excitedly and the dog moved into position.

Monica went over to him. "Please."

"Pease." Oscar repeated obediently.

"We've finished the bread - do you want another pancake? Here… now where's your spoon?" Monica carefully cut the pancake up and stuck it in front of Oscar with a new spoon. Oscar started to eat with his hands. He banged the spoon on the table a couple of times and then decided it was in the way and lobbed it across the room- the dog successfully ducked in time… The cat yelped from her bed in indignant protest as the spoon caught her butt. She jumped up and gave the dog a smack around the face with extended claws. The dog yelped again but then noticed that this spoon was covered in very nice sticky goo.

Oscar giggled, then looked at his messy hands, "Ughhh Mommy, ugghhh. Ossie is all messy. Look Mommy."

Sara got up and got a cloth and maternally wiped Ossie's hands for him. "You eat with your spoon Ossie."

Oscar grinned at his sister and looked around wondering where his spoon was. "Mommy - dog took Ossie's spoon. Loooook! Bad dog!"

Monica whipped round to find the dog licking Ossie's spoon. "You bad dog!" She snapped at him. "You don't steal Ossie's spoon. OUT! Go on out in the yard!" The dog put his tail between his legs and went with shame but resignation to the yard. 

Sara sat down and watched her father eat. She quietly considered what he had said. "But you could buy Danny and Ossie dresses but you never do."

Chandler glanced at Daniel expecting him to protest but he said nothing. He had said nothing since he had come down to breakfast. "You OK Danny?"

Daniel frowned at his breakfast. He had eaten nothing and only sat there because he knew how mad his Mom got if he left the table. 

Chandler put his hand on his arm, "Danny?" Danny grabbed the arm away and gave his father a look filled with hatred, then made a run for the door. He didn't care if his Mom was mad at him. His world had collapsed last night.

Monica ran after him and found him in his room. "Do you want to tell Mommy what's wrong? Is it Daddy?"

Danny nodded without looking at her. She sat down next to him and put an arm around him.

"Do you want to tell me what Daddy's done to upset you?" 

"I saw him being really mean to you."

"What?"

"I couldn't sleep and I wanted some milk but I was too scared to go downstairs, so I came into your room and you and Daddy were fighting." Danny frowned and stared at his legs. "Daddy was on top of you and you were all puffy."

Chandler came to the door and just caught the last of Danny's words. Monica looked up and went over to him. "I'll go back downstairs and leave you to explain." He whispered to her.

"You told me that you would do the boys and I would do the girls. Are you going to do the talk about periods then?"

Chandler made a face. "This is different. If I try and explain this one he will think I am just trying to defend myself. He's too young for details you can just do the "special cuddle talk".

"Do you remember last night?"

Chandler smiled, "Ooh yeah - pretty hot."

"I don't know when he came in but I can't see him believing that we were just having a cuddle. OK I'll deal, you go back and watch Oscar before Sara mothers him to death."

Monica went back to the bed and put her arm around Danny. "Daddy wasn't hurting Mommy Danny. Daddy was just giving Mommy a really big cuddle."

Danny shook his head vigorously. "I could see your face and you looked like you had a pain, a bad pain. And Daddy didn't look like Daddy he looked mean, like he wanted to hurt you and he was grunting and moving on you all funny."

"Did you see what he did… after we finished "fighting"?"

"He kissed you and put his arm around you and you had a cuddle."

"So what did that make you think?"

"I thought he was saying sorry, but he didn't look sorry. He looked pleased and I'm still mad at him even if you're not!"

"Have you ever seen Daddy being mean to Mommy or anyone ever before?"

Danny shook his head.

Monica smiled. "He doesn't even like to get mad with you when you've been naughty, because as soon as you look sad he feels guilty…. and don't think I don't know that every time I send you to your room Daddy gives you candy to stop you crying."

"But I saw him being mean and he wasn't like Daddy." 

Monica pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. "What you saw Danny was the special way that Daddy shows Mommy that he loves her. All Daddies and Mommies do it. It's how babies are made."

"I don't want Daddy to do that to you anymore. It frightened me."

"Danny I think it would be better if you always knocked and waited before you come into our room. What you saw was private and it only frightened you because you didn't understand what was happening."

"What was Daddy doing?"

Monica stared at the wall opposite for a minute. She knew this moment would come and had always promised herself that she would be honest, no embarrassment. That would just pass on embarrassment. But he didn't need to know too much yet. "Well you know how some things feel really nice…. and some things are so nice that you really have to do them. Mommy and Daddy were making love. And if Daddies and Mommies don't do it they get really uncomfortable and can't think of anything else."

Danny considered. "Like doing a doody?"

Monica stopped herself grinning. "Well yes…I suppose so." She thought for a moment. It wasn't such a bad analogy. "That's right Danny and you know that you sometimes put on a silly face because it's a little uncomfortable but afterwards it's a huge relief and you feel just great? So just because Mommy and Daddy didn't look like they were doing something that felt nice…." 

Danny's attention was distracted by his Daddy appearing at the door. He ran over to him and flung himself into his arms, his world had been restored, the lovely Daddy he always knew was not hurting his Mommy. Chandler sighed in relief and kissed his cheek. 

"Mommy explained? You know I would never hurt Mommy. I love her, and besides…" He whispered the next bit in Danny's ear, "She's stronger than me, I wouldn't dare!"

"I know but I think it must have been a difficult one for her, like one of those ones that wants to come out sideways." Danny said very seriously with the new wisdom he had just gained. 

Chandler looked with bemusement at Monica.

Danny caught the look, "You know… her face was all strained like it was a bit of a difficult one. I don't think you saw that."

Monica frowned, "Remember what I said about it being private Danny?"

Danny took Chandler's hand and the two of them went downstairs. "What did Mommy tell you Danny?" Chandler couldn't resist asking.

"It's OK Daddy. Mommy explained that you were having a poo together."

****

Daniel = 14 years old 

Dan knocked at the door of his father's study and went in. Chandler was practicing his putting. Dan was old enough to know that his father's "study" was more accurately described as his father's playroom. It was where Chandler went to get away from his large family and play games like he had when he was younger. It was full of some of the best arcade games, plus a dartboard and a virtual reality games center. Monica had given the room and most of the contents to Chandler as part of the deal when she persuaded him to try for a fourth child. The children were forbidden from going in there and normally even Monica kept away. Only Joey was a regular visitor, there to escape the burden of living with Phoebe and their five daughters. 

"Mom said you wanted to talk to me?" Dan said nervously. On his way here he had been searching though his mind for what this could be about. "Can I sit in the swivel chair?"

Chandler nodded, clearly distracted, Dan was not sure if that boded well or ill. He waited expectantly as his father offered him gum from the gum ball machine. Dan could spot a delaying tactic when he saw one. Dan shook his head. "No thanks, but if you have any cigarettes left…?"

"I don't smoke."

Dan grinned. "No Dad. Neither do I." He looked around and waited. He was surprised to see that his Dad now had a foosball table. That was definitely new since the last time he had been in there.

Eventually Chandler sat on a seat opposite his son and after some hesitation and searching for words said. "You know that girls are different to boys right?"

Dan sighed in relief, the birds and the bees talk. Most of his friends had had it years ago. He had been doing practical experiments for nearly a year. Dan looked at the discomfort on his father's face and tried not to show his amusement.

"Yeah they cry at the slightest thing and they .."

Chandler interrupted. "I was thinking about physically… you know their bodies."

Dan tried his best to look confused. "They have different bodies to us?" He broke into a smile. "It's OK Dad you don't need to do "the Talk". I know it all." 

His Dad did not look as relieved to be spared the embarrassing talk as Dan was expecting. There must be more. 

"You do?" Chandler asked surprised.

"Yeah, years ago, so don't worry, I will wear a condom at all times… even when it's not raining." 

"But they're not for keeping it dry…" Chandler stuttered.

"Joke Dad."

Chandler sighed in relief. "Right."

But still Dan noted that he did not move or look like he had been relieved from the burden of this discussion.

"Dan I need to speak to you about Mom." He said eventually.

Dan sat up alarmed, "She's alright isn't she?" 

"She's fine. She just felt a little awkward telling you this. Being that you're… well old enough to understand these things. She didn't know how you would take it."

"Take what? You're scaring me Dad. What is it?"

"Your mother and I are going to have another baby."

Dan grinned, "Seems like it should have been me telling you to wear a condom…" And then his face fell as horrible realization sunk into his brain. "You and Mom… But you can't. You're old.. you must be.."

"46, we're not old, a bit older than most parents but we're pleased about it and hope you will be too."

Dan made a face. "Yeah right, gross. Why can't you be normal like other Moms and Dads? You know fight all the time. What will my friends think! My father knocked up my mother!"

"Dan…"

Dan stood up and gesticulated wildly with his hands. If anyone else had been in the room they would have noticed that Dan looked even more like his father when he was agitated. "There ought to be a law banning people as old as you doing it. It's disgusting! You even kiss each other in the kitchen. Food is prepared in there man! Be cool - you're an old guy. Moan about the weather and the price of things.. Find something else to do - some other hobby. I know play more golf, that should keep you busy." 

Dan sat down at last and Chandler grabbed the chance to speak in the pause, even if he was addressing the back of his son's head. "Look I know it's a little embarrassing for you. I know how horrible the idea of your parents having sex is, but I'm just a normal guy, as well as a Dad, and normal guys have a natural urge to make love that doesn't disappear at 40 or when we become Dads. Your friends may make jokes but their Dads will be doing it too. Look just be grateful you're not me…"

Dan turned; anger never lasted long with him. He looked at the awkward expression on his Dad's face. "Is Mom that bad then?" He said with a grin.

They both laughed and the tension eased. "No I was talking about my parents. Believe me the stuff you get to see is nothing compared to what I got to see."

Dan shrugged. "I get to hear stuff too. Until now I'd been kinda hoping Mom had asthma and liked to agree with you at night - you being so old…. You have no idea how off putting it is to hear your mother at it when you're trying to look at porn."

"You have porn? Where did you get porn? You're under age. I didn't think you were old enough to want to start looking at porn. " Chandler glanced at the door. "Is it any good?"

"It's yours Dad. I found them in your closet behind the sports bag." 

"I thought your mother had cleared them out. " 

Dan picked at the skin around his nails. His Dad was a guy, like any other guy… Dads weren't supposed to be human, not really. Dan looked around him, as Monica rarely entered it was not as pristine clean and tidy as the rest of the house. Dan noticed the foosball table again. He nodded at it. "Was that how Mom persuaded you to have another one? Dad you're slipping. You got the whole room for Oscar and you get one measly table for this baby!"

"Your Mom's been working on me for a while for this one… but I don't think you want to know any more of the details." He confessed and smiled at his son. " So we good? You won't embarrass your mother?"

"I won't embarrass Mom if you don't tell her I got hold of your porn and if you promise me you will at least stop kissing her when I have friends round?"

"You always have friends round. When I come in from work the place is always full... We're not that bad are we?"

"The new guy at school, Todd…. he assumed that you and Mom had only just got married and you were my step-dad. He saw you kissing her neck the last time he was over. Her neck for God's sake…! A cheek would be forgivable…. The previous time to that was when we walked in on the two of you on the couch, but until now I had hoped that it didn't go any further than kissing."

Chandler flushed slightly. "Yeah, sorry about that… but it wasn't our fault you forgot your kit, we thought we had the house to ourselves for once. "

"It's not great being known as the guy with the horny parents ya know? Although some of the chicks at school think it's quite sweet. Laura even has a crush on you."

"Laura has a crush on me?"

"Yeah - mad cow. She was after me for a while - but God I met her Mom once. "OH MY GAWD" ! She has a voice that would kill rats from twenty paces." 

"She couldn't be as bad a girlfriend I once had."

"You had a girlfriend before Mom?"

"A couple. I think I dumped Janice about five…"

"Janice? Laura's Mom's called Janice. Must be a coincidence."

"Not with Janice."

Dan got up to leave, grateful that the interview was over. Chandler called out to him. "Hell don't look at the videos in the closet will you?"

Dan turned at the door smiling. "I didn't find any videos. I might look for them now though."

"I wouldn't recommend it. Assuming you don't want to see how I got your mother pregnant."

Dan's face fell and he looked like he was about to throw up as he rushed out of the room. He passed his mother who had been waiting anxiously outside. He couldn't quite look her in the face yet. She was his mother - Dads he could just about, at a long uncomfortable stretch, accept that they did what other guys had to do, but his mother, he was sure his mother could never behave like that. Mothers looked after their kids, and cooked meals, and drove them to sports games… not that…. Dan ran back to his room.

Monica stared after him. "What freaked him out?" She asked Chandler. "How did it go? Any chance that he will think we found it under a gooseberry bush?"

"No Mon."

****

Three months later

They came back just as Dan had finished giving his siblings breakfast. Dan could hear his mother crying, his father's voice trying to soothe her. They knew then. It was over. Chandler came into a silent kitchen. His eyes were red and his face unshaven. Dan had never seen him look so old or so distraught. The children froze, knowing something terrible had happened but with no experience to tell them how to deal with it. Their father seemed unreachable; their mother was clearly beside herself with unmanageable grief. Anything they said or did could only make it worse but what they really needed was someone to comfort them, to tell them that things would be OK. Six people in the house, all frightened and alone.

"Your mother will be down in a minute." Chandler told them in flat monotones.

"Mom… she…? Sara couldn't say the words.

Chandler nodded, barely noticing his children. He made a pretence at getting himself a coffee and Dan noticed that he was shaking as if he was cold. Chandler paused and rested his hands on the worktop, his head bent down, concentrating on a void in space. He breathed in. "I have to go out." He announced suddenly. "Dan could you look after your mother for me?"

Dan looked shocked. "What?!"

The four children stared in horror at the retreating figure of their father as their mother appeared at the door.

"Dad had to go out." Dan said to her gently as she looked in confusion around the room. Her children saw her desolate face and, without making any conscious decision, ran to her and held her. 

Chandler arrived at Joey's a few minutes later. Joey answered the door in sweats. "My God - Chandler - what happened!"

Chandler stepped into the house anxiously looking around him. "Are Phoebe and the girls here?"

"They left for school already. What happened?"

Chandler followed Joey to the kitchen. They sat on the stools whilst Joey waited patiently for his friend to find his voice. Eventually Chandler scratched his ear and looked up. "Monica went into labour last night."

"Isn't it early?"

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, much too early. We had a little girl… she died a few minutes after she was born." The words at last out, another person told, Chandler's eyes screwed up, his mouth contorted and he started to cry noisily, his shoulders hunched and shaking with the sobs.

Joey jumped up to hug his friend. "Oh man, I'm so sorry." Chandler had been holding back at the hospital. He wanted to be strong for Monica; he had kept the tears away as she held the tiny lifeless body and sobbed beside him, but now he lost it. The horror of the night replayed itself in his brain. The desperate hope that the labor would stop, and then that the baby would survive. The doctor's sympathetic but firm advice that there was nothing that could be done, if she was born alive the baby would be too immature to survive more than a few hours even with medical intervention. Chandler had expected the child to be born dead. That might have been less distressing. Instead their daughter gave a tiny pathetic cry as she was born that sounded like a small kitten rather than a baby. Monica had sobbed hysterically as she held her child and pleaded for the doctors to put the baby into special care and give her a fighting chance. But as predicted, less than five minutes later, the tiny cry was replaced by a horrible silence. They had wanted to keep Monica in hospital but she demanded to leave, anxious to return to her family to get away from the place where she had experienced the worst tragedy of her life. 

Chandler wiped his hand across his eyes. "We were left alone with the baby and Monica…. Monica was so distraught I couldn't do… or say anything that would make her any better. I was useless to her and I wanted to cry but that might have made her worse so I…" 

"How long are they going to keep Monica in?"

"She's at home."

Joey pulled back and looked at Chandler alarmed. "You left Monica alone?"

"She has Dan. Dan said he would look after her."

"Dan's a fourteen year old boy. His idea of looking after his mother will be to have her hitting balls in the yard. You must go back to Monica."

Chandler shook his head. "I'm no use to her. I couldn't help her. She's lost her baby and I couldn't stop it."

Joey took Chandler's arm. "Look buddy, this hurts, this will hurt everyone who knows and loves you but the only person who will really know and understand how much you're hurting is Monica. Because she is the only person who is going through exactly the same thing as you are. Being there with her will help her. If you cry, so what? You cry together, that way she knows that you feel her pain too. You don't have to be strong for her, you just have to be there. You've lost a child too Chandler, you have a right to be feel pain, to cry and to want someone to comfort you. You have to be there for Monica and Monica has to be there for you."

Chandler sniffed and nodded. "They took a picture of her for us."

"Do you want to show me so I know what your daughter looked like?"

Chandler reached into his pocket and handed Joey the picture. Without the picture she would only ever exist in her parents' minds. Joey stared at it for a few moments, the tears forming in his own eyes. She looked like a tiny sleeping baby. "She's beautiful, like all your children."

Chandler looked at it for the first time since it had been taken. "She died in our arms. The doctors said they couldn't do anything for her so we just had to wait…" Chandler silently shook again.

Joey hugged him. "Come on man. You need Monica… talk to Monica, grieve with Monica. How did you get here?"

Chandler looked confused trying to remember. "I ran, I think I ran."

"I'll drive you back then."

Dan couldn't remember the last time he had been alone in the house with his mother. It always seemed to be full of assorted children and their friends. 

After Ossie and the twins had left for school he sat beside her, his hand threaded through hers in silence for nearly half an hour.

Monica was the first to break the silence. "You must be relieved. I know how embarrassing this has been for you."

He shook his head, "I was kinda looking forward to it - once I got used to the idea…" He noticed that his mother was shaking slightly. "Are you going to be alright?"

Monica's eyes dropped and she nodded, biting her lip hard to hold back the emotion. "We called her Beth… after the woman who…. in Little Women. Another couple of weeks and she might have stood a chance." There was silence for a while as Monica pulled her tissue into little pieces. She glanced back at Dan, who was watching her, she had lost a child, another Isabella or Sara, it was unbearable, intolerable, she breathed in quickly and deeply to offset the wave of grief that hit her. "I shouldn't have been so silly. Wanting another baby at my age. I'm too old. I…" She took another deep breath, hold back the tears, hold back the tears.

Dan dropped her hand and held her tightly. "You're not too old. You're beautiful Mom. You should try again… maybes you could do it by artificial insemination or something? That way you wouldn't have to do anything gross with Dad."

Monica wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at that suggestion. "No. The doctors said I shouldn't try for another baby." And another baby would not bring back Beth, she thought, and went silent. A tear rolled down her face, she needed Chandler and he had gone out. She angrily tried to blot the tear with her tattered tissue. Dan took it from her and gave her another one. "I can't have any more babies, not ever and I so wanted another baby. I so wanted Beth." Dan held and rocked her for a while, they both knew she was struggling not to cry. "Your father wasn't so keen, but you know him..." She pulled back and blew into her tissue and mopped her eyes. "I'll just have to wait until I'm a Grandma for more babies." 

Dan made a face, "So long as you don't expect me to provide you with any. I can still remember Ossie as a baby."

"He told me that he loved me this morning. I don't think he's done that since he was five. And Isabella and Sara wanted to stay and look after me. You've all been so sweet. I'm so proud." Monica sniffed again. Her children's tenderness towards her that morning had, in some ways, made her loss harder to bare. It reinforced the vision that she had lost one of these children. Her body had rejected it and the child had died. Perhaps there was simply nothing that would make it easier, make it possible to deal with it and move on. She put one hand on Dan's face, her first born.

A memory fell into Monica's mind. She glanced at the date on her watch. It meant something. "Weren't you supposed to be playing in the finals today?"

"No that's next week." Dan lied.

Monica was too organised, even in her current state to believe that. "You gave that up to stay with me?"

Dan looked embarrassed and shrugged. "Well you know... "

Monica snuggled against her son. "You're fourteen, you're not supposed to be this sweet."

"Could you do me a favor and tell the guys at school that I had to stay at home because I had a hangover or something a bit cooler?" She smiled and idly stroked his hair like she had when he was a baby. He squirmed for a moment in embarrassment at the affection, then allowed it. If it helped her to mother him today, well he could put up with it. He twisted and lay on his back with his head in her lap, like he used to as a toddler. Only now his legs reached the end of the couch and hooked over the arm rests. If the guys at school could see him now he would lose every bit of respect he ever had, but actually it felt really nice. He glanced up at his mother; she looked calmer. "How did you bribe Dad to let you have me?"

"He decided he was ready for you. It was Emma's birth that made us want to try for a baby. You were conceived at the hospital on the day Emma was born. The twins were conceived the night your father got promoted to Vice-President. We had dinner at the Plaza, you were with Uncle Ross, and we had too much to drink. Your father decided it would be romantic to spend the night there, like we did after we got married, only we had no contraception with us. I'm not sure whether he decided it was OK to try for more children or whether he was just feeling too horny to care that night."

Dan pulled a face. "Too much information Mom!" 

"You've made it really difficult for me Dan."

His face fell. "What - how? I wanted to help, not make it difficult." 

"How am I suppose to get mad at you now? You know when you do normal teenage stuff?"

"I'm sure you'll manage just fine Mom."

She sighed, she had four great children, some of the women at the hospital had none, just endless miscarriages, she had been lucky until now. "Yes I'll manage." She just hoped Beth would too, wherever she was.

They heard the door open, and Dan jumped from his childish position. Joey appeared with Chandler at his side. "Hi Mon. I brought Chandler back."

Monica leapt up and ran to his arms, before she started to pummel them angrily. "You always run. When things get difficult, you always run."

There were no words to explain why he had run so Chandler bent his head and kissed her on the lips, a lingering kiss filled with grief. He pulled away as the grief made him shake, and the tears started up again. She held him against her shoulder like she had held Dan, and Sara, and Isabella and Oscar when they were upset, but had never got to hold Beth.

Joey pulled gently on Dan's arm. "Come on buddy, I'll get you to school. You should still be able to make the finals." They quietly left.

Chandler's crying softened and he reached up to hold her. Monica's voice was almost whispered when it came. "None of our babies liked the dark, do you remember that?"

"I remember."

"I'm afraid that Beth's all alone in the dark with no-one to care for her."

****

Daniel = 20 years old

Dan was late for breakfast. In fact he only just made it downstairs for lunch, and even then it was only because he desperately needed a drink. His Mom didn't even allow water in the bedrooms (not since she had got caught in the crossfire of a water fight with the twins and was completely drenched). 

He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. She was now a lot shorter than him. "You got like a gallon of juice Mom? My mouth feels like some Alien sucked me dry."

Monica frowned at the state of her son. "Dan I assume you didn't have anything liquor last night - seeing as it was Emma's 21st and not yours.?"

"No Mom - of course not." Dan lied with a grin. 

Chandler recognized a hangover when he saw one. "Good night was it?"

"I think everyone had fun." Dan answered to underplay the drunken riot that had passed for Emma's 21st. His parents would die if they had seen their "baby" Ossie. It had surprised even him - he didn't think his little brother had it in him.

Monica handed him a coffee. "Were Uncle Joey's girls all there or is Lily still away?"

Dan looked startled and glanced guiltily at his Mother and Father.

Monica caught the guilty look. "What is it Dan? What did you do? It's no good lying. We're seeing Emma tonight at that formal dinner celebration her mom and dad have planned, so you'd better warn us now what you did."

Dan ran his hand over his face and scratched his ear lightly. "Is Uncle Joey going to be there tonight with Aunt Phoebe and the girls?" Monica nodded. "I think maybe I'll give it a miss. I think I had enough partying last night."

Chandler looked sternly at his son. "What have you done Dan?"

"Who rather than what Dad." He said sheepishly.

"Alright who have you done?"

"Can we express it a little nicer?" Monica complained.

"Well?" Chandler pressed.

Dan shrugged.

Chandler's voice raised higher. "Don't shrug! I asked you a question."

Dan knew he was trapped. "Well you know Uncle Joey's daughters all look really similar?"

Chandler's heart missed a beat. "Unlike your identical twin sisters?!"

"I had a little too much to drink last night… orange juice Mom… and I think I fooled around with one of them." He glanced up at his father.

"One of them, what do you mean "one of them" - which one of them?" Chandler said with irritation.

Dan shrugged again and was met by a scowl from both his parents. "But Dad they all look really alike! And Aunt Phoebe gave them all such stupid names that I…"

Monica crashed food onto the table. "Do you know what Uncle Joey does to guys who even look at his daughters?"

"Uncle Joey is a prude. Just because you guys all kept yourselves for marriage…" He paused as Chandler choked on his orange juice and glanced at Monica, did she really expect Dan to believe that? "It doesn't mean we have to - and none of Uncle Joey's daughters are virgins - believe me! Ben was telling me that… " He looked up at the two pair of eyes staring at him disapprovingly and grinned apologetically, "You don't want to hear this story do you?"

Monica tried to keep things sensible. "We're not saying that you have to be a virgin until you get married. But you should treat women with respect and recognize that it's an emotional thing for a woman….."

Dan was clearly paying little attention.

Chandler held up his hands. "OK don't listen. You do know that Uncle Joey gets any guy who wants to date his daughters to sign a contract in which they have to agree not to touch her in the areas specified in the contract."

"What a freak!" Dan commented. 

"He's my best friend, but OK he is a little bit paranoid… he knows better than most guys what guys your age are like. But of all the girls you could choose to fool around with for a night Joey's daughters must be the worst you could have chosen. Joey is here most days playing…." He glanced at Dan's smirk. " Helping me in my study." He corrected himself. "They're our closest friends!"

"Well so?" Dan laughed. "Last night I got us even closer - in fact you could barely see the join!"

Monica whacked him round the head. "You don't remember which one you got closer to."

Dan smiled as he held his head. 

Chandler frowned at his son. Dan seemed to be taking after Joey as far as girls were concerned. Chandler guessed that he had already slept with more women than he had. Joey had teased Chandler about it a few times.

"Not really surprising." Joey had commented in the middle of a late night foosball tournament. "He has your looks and charm without any of the Thanksgiving crap your parents gave you." 

Chandler smiled, bashfully proud. "Yeah?"

"Yeah - instead he's had you two little love birds showing him how great sexual relationships can be. He's a total babe magnet, you should listen to my girls go on about him."

But Joey would be the very last person to accept Dan's behavior as far as his daughters were concerned. 

Chandler stared at his son. "You know how bad you felt when you still had to go to school with Laura after you dumped her? Well at least you could leave school. We will all have to live with this"

Dan thought for a moment. "It's OK Dad, as Mom just said, I don't remember which one she is - so how can I be embarrassed?"

"Tell him Chandler!" Monica snapped.

Chandler grimaced, as a memory fell into his head. Dan may be more sexually confident than he was but some of their mistakes looked alarmingly similar. "We do recognize that when you drink too much…. Orange juice… it can be difficult to remember exactly which sister you hooked up with."

Monica smiled slightly. "Oh I'd say it was pretty indefensible Chandler."

They were interrupted by the door-bell. Monica stared at Dan as Chandler went to get it. "There's a word for men like you." She told him.

"Lucky bastards?" Dan inquired and then got up and gave her a hug. "I just can't find anyone as beautiful as you Mom." 

"You don't get round me that easily." She smiled, "But OK, it makes things a little better, you can keep talking like that… "

Chandler returned with Joey who immediately pointed a finger accusingly at Dan. "YOU!" Dan fled and hid behind his mother. 

"Joey. He's only young. You remember what you were like when you were young." Chandler pleaded.

"I remember what you were like with my sisters." Joey responded. He stared menacingly at Dan. "Your son…" Joey said spitting the words out. "Your son, fooled around with two of my daughters last night."

Dan leapt out from his mother. "Two! They were two different girls? Oh man I scored with two women last night! " He paused as he caught Joey's expression, "Probably a good thing seeing as that was my last night with my balls in place."

"Dan you'll need to go round and apologize to…?" Monica looked at Joey.

"Moon and Breeze." Joey told her.

Dan's face lit up. "Breeze thinks I made out with her?!"

"You didn't?" The three adults said in unison.

"No that was Ossie." Dan told them relieved, "Hell did Breeze only make out with Ossie because she thought he was me? How hammered was she?"

Chandler frowned, "I have a question. How is it that you remember who your brother was making out with but had no idea who you were with?"

"It was much earlier, before we'd had too much… orange juice."

Oscar chose that moment to come down to the kitchen. His appearance made Dan's look healthy. He wore only boxers and the t-shirt he had slept in as he was hoping to just grab a drink and disappear again.

Chandler smiled sarcastically. "Feeling good Ossie? I assume you stuck to orange juice all night too?"

Oscar groaned. "No jokes Dad, please no jokes, I'll give you all my savings if you stop telling jokes."

"You don't have any savings." Monica told him as she served him some water and headache pills.

Dan grinned evilly, the heat was off him. It was going to be easy to transfer it all onto Ossie. "You looked like you were having a good time last night?"

Ossie's mouth flickered into the beginnings of a smile. "Oooh yeah - boy she was hot for it…." He told Dan before his pickled brain reminded him that they were not alone. Ossie glanced up and withered at his mother's expression. As much as he wanted to brag about his sexual achievements of the previous night his mother being there kinda put him off.

"Uncle Joey's here Ossie." Dan said brightly. For the first time Oscar looked vaguely alert as the fear crept over his face. He thought Dan was messing with him, until he turned to the fridge and there stood Uncle Joey, arms folded.

"Morning Oscar. Tell me - do you remember the name of the girl you hooked up with last night?" Joey demanded with false politeness.

Monica patted her son's arm. "Of course you remember the girl don't you Ossie? She meant a lot to you. It wasn't just a one-night thing was it? You've been trying to date her for a long time, haven't you?" Monica waited until Joey turned back to Ossie and then tried to hint to her son by blowing the small plant in the kitchen. 

Oscar went very white. "Oh my God…." He frowned, it was one of Joey's daughters, he remembered that much, but they all looked so similar. He frowned at his mother and tried to work out what she was trying to tell him. As her son still looked confused she set all dignity to one side and lifted her leg slightly. "Wind?" He said, still confused.

"Breeze." Joey corrected him. "I have no daughter called "Wind" - how dumb would that be? Her name's Breeze."

Ossie wrinkled his nose and glanced guiltily around him. "She got very hot, must have been the heating at Uncle Ross's." Ossie tried weakly to back peddle.

"Yeah? And did all that heat require condoms?" Joey demanded.

Dan looked at Joey innocently, "Don't worry Uncle Joey. Ossie took a couple off me."

Joey charged across the kitchen and Chandler stepped in to stop him. "Look Joey come and have a beer. I know how you feel about your daughters but you can't beat up every guy they decide to sleep with. They have to make their own decisions."

Joey frowned. "You believe that Chandler? Have you seen your daughters this morning?"

The color left Chandler's cheeks. "They're upstairs in bed. Dan where are your sisters?"

Dan thought back to the previous night. "Well Bella was with Laura's brother and Sara… I can't remember who Sara was stuck to…"

Chandler's voice raised up. "Some dirty stinking horny bastards were touching my daughters! Do not tell me they slept with anyone."

Dan smiled. "OK. I won't…"

Like his brother had before him Ossie saw the chance for the heat to be transferred off him. "I think they stayed overnight at Uncle Ross's."

Joey tapped Chandler on the back. "You can't beat up every guy they sleep with Chandler. You have to let them make their own decisions."

"Yes I can." Chandler snapped back. "I only have two daughters, you have five, you'd have a full time job. I still stand a chance."

Dan grinned. "Dad's right - definitely a full time job trying to beat up all the guys your daughters sleep with Uncle Joey."

****

Daniel = 27 years - Year 2030

It was the same hotel as they had got married in, and the same hotel as the twins were conceived in. It was also where Rachel had first confessed to her pregnancy with Emma. It was already part of their lives; today it was due to star again. 

Chandler limped slightly as he led Monica to the hotel room. He took her to oneside just outside and unexpectedly kissed her.

She smiled. "What's that for?"

"It's the last time we're alone before Dan's married."

She held him. "Does this make you feel old. You know, Dan getting married?"

"Where did life go Mon? We're 60 but I feel no older than the day he was born."

"Except for the groin strain." She reminded him. "And I'm 59 thank you very much. How is your groin?" 

"Sore."

"I told you that position was impossible, maybe when you were 25."

"I wasn't dating you at 25."

"That's why the position would have been possible."

She opened the door, expecting to see the others but Phoebe and Joey had clearly not yet arrived. It still surprised her that she was always the first person to get anywhere. They sat on the couch.

Chandler noticed that Monica looked sad. "You OK?"

"Yeah fine." She lied.

"Tell me."

"I was thinking about Beth. Do you think she is watching this from somewhere? She should be here to see her brother getting married, not alone in the dark, by herself."

Chandler squeezed Monica's hand as a lump came to his throat. It was the one real sadness in their lives. It had brought the whole family closer but he knew that Monica had never got over it. 

"She was a baby Mon. She had no sin. She would have gone straight to heaven."

Monica looked at him surprised. "I didn't know you believed in God. I know you said some things when Beth was born but I thought you were just trying to make me feel better."

Chandler shrugged, "I'm 60, heading for the end zone, I have to keep my options open." He kissed her again.

"You not ready to trade me in for a younger model yet then Chandler?"

"I would give up everything I own to keep you."

Monica smiled warmly. "It's a long time since you said anything that sweet. If this was our wedding today I would still marry you."

"And I'd marry you. I'm sorry I should tell you how I feel more… but you know don't you, we don't need to say it?"

Monica nodded. "I know. And if you said it more often it wouldn't mean as much, it would just become empty words. …" They were quiet for a while, listening to the noises of the hotel. "Do you think Dan will have done a runner?" Monica said mischievously to throw the sadness away from her. "He's always been so like you. I remember I said to the others on the day he was born that I had a little Chandler and he has lived up to that. The good and the bad."

"What bad?" Chandler said with mock indignation.

"Doing a runner on your wedding day."

Chandler kissed Monica. "Did I ever say I was sorry for that?"

"No."

"Well. I'm sorry."

"You are being sweet today. But I think that apology came a bit late. It was nearly 30 years ago Chandler. Still at least you didn't get taken into hospital with shock when I told you that I was pregnant."

"Well Dan had already had one run in with Joey over Moon. You can't blame him for being nervous that Joey really would castrate him this time."

Chandler smiled and sat back. He had a surprise planned for Monica and the rest of the gang. A surprise that Dan had suggested. The reception was going to take place at Central Perk. Only he, Joey and Dan knew. The rest were only going to be given their directions after the ceremony. He couldn't help grinning. He hadn't seen the place for 25 years, since he and Monica had moved to the Hamptons, but he had checked it out with Joey. The place had been stuck in a time warp. Even the orange couch was still there. He had tried to find Gunther, but he had married a Greek waitress and moved to Europe. But the rest was perfect. 

Dan was standing with Ossie at the front. Both groom and best man looked nervous. Dan glanced round when he heard the new entrants and looked relieved to see his parents. Monica got to her seat and felt unexpectedly giddy. She was vaguely aware of someone helping her to sit down and looking at her with concern but she was concentrating on a young girl walking up the aisle dressed entirely in white. The girl was about thirteen years of age. She had sandy brown hair and bright blue eyes and she stared right at Monica, smiled serenely and then vanished into a strong light. 

"Monica are you OK?" Chandler's voice pulled her attention back to the world around her.

Monica blinked with large startled eyes at Chandler. "Did you see her?"

Chandler hugged her close, his eyes were wet. "It was Beth wasn't it?" He whispered. She nodded. "She came to tell us she was OK." He said to her quietly.

"Have we both gone senile Chandler?"

"Probably - we should talk to Phoebe about it later. Right now we have a son to marry off."

He held her hand tight and the band struck up. Monica turned with the rest of the guests to see the bride coming down the aisle. Her blonde hair shone beneath the veil and her slim figure was hugged by her cream gown. The perfect bride for her son. The girl she had known since the moment of her birth. Monica's only regret was that she hadn't tried harder to dissuade Phoebe from calling her daughter, "Moon", but it was an improvement on "the hulk" that had been her first choice for a boy. Monica smiled into her hands. Moon Tribianni was bad enough but Moon Bing was a nightmare. 

Names really were becoming quite a problem for the family. Ossie was on his way to making Chandler Buffay into their next daughter-in-law, creating another Chandler Bing. The alternative of Ossie taking her name was not much better. Ossie Buffay sounded like he should be eaten on the beach in the South Pacific. Merging the names just made it sound like there was more food. 

Monica smiled again; she could still feel Beth's presence. It was comforting and she was happier than she been since that terrible day. She concentrated on Dan, a thousand images of his childhood flashed through her brain, but mostly his loving attentive care of her the day she lost Beth. It was the first time that he had behaved like a man rather than a boy. He had quickly gone back to his usual bad habits, but there remained a special closeness between them. Moon would now take priority with Dan. Monica had lost him to another woman. To even acknowledge sadness at that loss seemed mean. It was the natural course of things. She gave up a silent prayer that Chandler would suffer from nothing more than groin strain in the next forty years. Monica sniffed. She was going to get through a lot of tissues today. 

Ross and Rachel stood immediately behind Monica and Chandler. Monica could hear a whispered argument between them. They had not changed, they bickered and loved in equal measure, but at least they now knew they belonged together. Monica thought she caught the words "we were on a break" from Ross but decided she must have been imagining it. They must have found a new subject to bicker about in the last 30 years. Emma and Catherine knew better, they rolled their eyes at each other at their parents' performance. It was so common to them that it was almost comforting, like the tick of a clock that told you that whatever else happened, some things never changed.

Joey also smiled at the arguing couple as he walked passed with his daughter on his arm. As they reached the priest Joey solemnly passed Moon's arm over to Dan and stood back. Joey had two grudges against Dan, peeing on him and messing with his daughter. But Chandler and Monica's son was marrying his and Phoebe's daughter. The gang would finally all be part of the same family. The child that his daughter already carried would be the blood relative of everyone except Rachel. Joey would have liked to have had at least one son. Chandler had told Joey that it was ironic justice that he had, through fatherhood, become responsible for the impossible task of defending five women against men like he had been. Joey might have agreed if he knew what "ironic" meant. He just assumed that God sometimes shared Chandler's sense of humor. 

In a few short minutes, Chandler's son would be his son, and in six months time both he and Chandler would become grandparents for the first time. Life was good.

__

Comments etc. to daphne_bing@hotmail.com


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